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Let me tell you right off the bat: I can't stand the place that I'm at. Jumpin' off your welcome mat. You don't want to see me stand here. Do you? Truth be told, she thinks it's a sin when she's K-I-S-S-I-N. Gee, I hope that we can be friends. Keepin' her legs and her options open. And if I had a dime for every time, you know, she tried to change the rules of the game, I'd have five bucks and 12 cents to my name. Stayed too long my hands turned to prunes. Slept too late woke up with the moon. Sang too much and ran out of tunes. Keep it short and sweet like I know you like it. And just when it was getting good, well, you go ahead and cut it short.
lyrics by John Andrews
Check my watch again. Maybe I set it fast. Think I'm early too. I know that you come last. 2 minutes later, I'm no waiter but I said that I would stay. I kick the ground, shuffle around. It's cold. I'm bored. You're late. Check the other door. Maybe I got it wrong. Left my notes at home. You could be here all along. It's really not my day. The skies are rapidly gray. I feel sprinkles on my eyes. Got stranded in the rain. Constantly waiting...
I could walk and talk on my first birthday and by the next I was reading at the 4th grade level and by number 3, I felt so pre-teen and that's a tender early age to get so disenchanted but all the other kids seemed to take theirs for granted. It's "Time To Change" forever. Peter Pan would be better. I hang my head and sigh and calendars pass me by. Ahead of my time on 2/29. 2/29. Sorry 'bout your belated valentine. 2/29. It's never too late to say that you'll be mine. So you think it's rough being born near Christmas? Try coming out on a day that doesn't exist in 3 years out of 4. I'll have faith no more in my god given right to closing eyes and making wishes. The combo of the hats and those stupid paper dishes. Call me on March 1st, if you've got the nerve. I could stand the test of time if they graded on a curve. And don't go counting candles. That's more than I can handle. I might live long but won't get to see 29. Privileges of youth have been revoked sooner than I hoped. I'm aging faster at a quarter of the speed. My will to live don't have a lifetime guarantee. I wanna leap off the deep end. I hope I fall on a weekend...
Seriously, don't you wanna take me deleriously? Laugh if you can make me. Novelty. I don't mind a hit if poverty's avoided a bit. Well now you draw a crowd and so you start to see some money. The girls all touch your arm and whisper "You're so funny." They smile before you spoke because your life is a joke... Xana-dues, you know I paid 'em. Silver Spoon blues, you know I play 'em. Give us a wink. Flash us a grin. Stare at yourself on the cover of Spin. At the Crimson & Clover Music Factory, all the goods are glistening but it feels like college radio 'cos nobody's listening. You're farming up a bumper golden Grammy crop. Press your luck, no Whammies, big bucks, now STOP. They smile before you spoke because your life is a joke...
Can't remember a December when the skies opened up and left a blanket everywhere but ash just ain't the same and the trees could use some rain. Lucky your house was spared. Someone must like you up there. Well, the sun always shines on Christmas in California. Got a lover and he's lovin' her. Got a Nazi for a governor. Get me out of here... Well, the color of the leaves in Los Angeles goes from green to green and back. I think it would be strange to watch seasons change. Sometimes I just lose track. Sometimes the sunshine goes black. Cooler heads will prevail but they're crazy from the heat. It's hot enough to see your own breath. Blinded by an actor and the idiot factor to a fate that's far worse than death. Deaf dumb and dumb. Deaf dumb and dumber. I hate the Golden State. No more endless Summer. Gimme a zamboni caravan that stretches from here to forever. The A/C done broke and here comes the joke: Did I mention that I'm cool & clever?
I was thinking you're just what I needed, just like that song you love by the Cars. Thought I'd play it for you on my telephone. Pressing buttons instead of guitars. Wrote it down. Called you up. Heard you say "Just leave a message". Hit the buttons. Sounded ok. A bit off key but close enough to sound like keyboards back in '78. But the song accidentally played your code and your messages started to play and I shouldn't have listened. Now it's a division day. You don't know what it means to be true. After the beep you know what to do. There was one from your mother that you didn't erase. There was one from your neighbor saying how good you taste. So you're busted...
This time it's over. This time's for real. This time's nothing like the last time. That was a totally different deal. It didn't count (not for much). Put an asterisk by my name or forget it just the same. I swear I swore I'd leave and then I stayed. Just repeat to fade... One night stands center with us on each end. Whether you buy a ring or have a fling, the next one's round the bend. It never fails. I never could stay/put five stars right by my name or forget it just the same. It's over and over again...
She said "St. Peter must've made a mistake." She's boltin' on down from the Pearly Gates. She's goin' down the up escalator to heaven. Well, she's not content to rest in peace. Headin' south and movin' fast. Pushin' by the recently deceased. Heads all snapped as she flew past. The elevator's broken and the stairway too. What's a little runaway angel to do? She's goin' down the up escalator to heaven. Well, she don't have no time to kill or wait for clerical correction. She's goin' for the gold in the downhill undead slalom resurrection. She made it to the bottom but she tripped & fell. Put her head on the pavement. Now she's goin' down to hell. She gets down on her knees and begs, puts that handrail between her legs. She's goin' down the up escalator to heaven.
Shoot. BANG! Got me. Uh. The death till we part part never means that much to you you but I can't sleep at night until I hear "I do" do do do. Hit snooze on clocks I gots on both sides of my bed. I hear Bell's "Watch The Sunrise". Wake me when I'm wed. It ain't over till it's over, so kill me now and give me closure. It ain't over till it's over, so kill me now and give me closure. Your autobiography was wrote by God, you think. I feel like the last one left for you to drive to drink. So, now it's payback time for all those things I loaned you. You probably think you're Carly Simon, don't you? Don't you? Don't you? You've got a way with words. But there's way too many. You say you're top of your class? But, you ain't got any, Penny.
I spy with my little eye: T-R-A-F-F I see why you told me not to take route 23. Red light district on the highway. Everybody's goin' my way. Stop & go & go & stop & get me out & get me off. I'm huggin' corners to get to you, b*be. I'm payin' crosswalks no mind. I cross the street in a diagonal fashion. I got no time to make you mine. You knew this was gonna happen. Arms are crossed and toe's a-tappin'. Waitin' constantly just like that song. There's your exit up the hill but everybody's standin' still. I'm just gonna ditch this car and run run run run... Skiing in between the cars. Falling down, seeing stars. Remember school & crossing guards, alphabetizing baseball cards... Angels, A's, Astros, Blue Jays, Braves, Brewers, Cardinals, Cubs, Dodgers, Expos, Giants, Indians, Mariners, Mets, Orioles, Padres, Phillies, Pirates, Rangers, Reds, Red Sox, Royals, Tigers, Twins, White Sox, Yankees...
Boxcar Willie tumbled off the tracks near the end of the Richmond line. He said "Now, move over, Shorty. El Cerrito Del Norte looks like it would suit me fine. Well, I've been saving up some wishes for a store that sells some fishes down San Pablo way." So he aimed his boots across the parking lot and went heading for Target singin' "Throw your horseshoes and BBQ's in the air and throw a Travelodge backyard party like you just don't care." All the shit kickers come to Atlas Liquors. But, they don't even compare to the folks across the street and up the stairs. They said "Well, you can stay with us if you sing us a song." And he swore they wuzza heaven sent. They said "We've got some extra room down in the Twilight Zone and we already pay cheap rent." Well, he faced the east corner of the living room and he waved towards Ohio. He said "I'll rock every compass point that's left on the walls on the evening of Seis De Mayo." Beatniks and Vendors, Sandycoates and Tuckers all can have a place to roam and we'll even leave a light on just in case Nova comes home. Well, your red and black kitchen is lookin' mighty bitchin' & how about those hardwood floors? If you need a posh flat to stay tonight, just dial 2-1-5-6-2-2-4.
She's out of my league. I'm T-ball AAA. Got splinters from the bench. I just want some play. Well, they say that it doesn't hurt to try but it kills to get shot down. She flipped me the international sign for "I don't think so, buddy". What would you say? What, would you do me? Just thought I'd ask. Glad that you knew me. I don't stand a chance. I don't stand at all and when I fall, I'm black & blue all over. I go "Ah." Singin' my way down the stream but I don't write love songs cos they're much too pretty for me. Today is the day that I got the speech so tonight is the night that I'll get some sleep and the pedestal's lowered a little but she's still outta sight to see. Now, I don't break mirrors but she's much too pretty for me.
Got something to tell you. I'll tell you later. That way you can worry and worry and worry and worry and drive yourself crazy. Got no rings on these fingers but look 'round my eyes. I don't need commitment to sing me some good ol' sad bastard goodbyes. And no, I don't want to watch you buy clothes that he'll take off tonight with his teeth. And no, the small talk just puts off the big talk that ends everything and starts giggles and grief. Mazzy Starship flies tonight. Hope and Grace duet in flight. I've got something to tell ya. I'll tell you tomorrow. 'Cause it's way past your birthday and you'll have the whole weekend to mull it on over. We're not the right mixes but you came in sixes and I want my finder's fee delivered to my place in sickness & health. And no, I don't regret the conjugal visits to playgrounds at night and no "I told you so's" even though I was so right. Hopefully, I'll bow out gracefully in time. It's for goodness sake. It sure as hell ain't for mine.
Produced, mixed & engineered by Mike Kamoo
except "Happy Endings" recorded by Dylan Martinez
All lyrics by Adam Gimbel, music by Rookie Card
BMI Star Search Factor Songs
except
"Constantly Waiting" written by John Andrews
"Seventh Inning Stretch" courtesy of The Garden of Speedin' Inc.
"Short Suite" contains a sample of "The Star Spangled Banner" performed by
Jon Auer & Ken Stringfellow
Who's got the clap? The Gang BANG!ers (Rookie Card, Marie Haddad, John Meeks, Scott Kennerly, Jeff Hawthorne, Beachum Jones)
Jeremy Cooke: violin on "2/29", "Repeat To Fade" and "Too Pretty"
Joe Camacho: pedal steel guitar on "Horseshoes & BBQ's", "Too Pretty" & "Mazzy Starship"
Brad Paye: mandolin on "Too Pretty"
John Meeks, Scott Kennerly & Adam: 12 part 5 second vocal choir on "Too Pretty"
Marie Haddad (porn name Honeycookie Robles): love noises on "Gimme Closure"
Doug Camphuis: harmonica on "Happy Endings"
Angela Correa: vocals on "Happy Endings"
Nasr, Dylan & Jason: chronological lead vocals on "Happy Endings"
The Grandmas: Adrienne Gimbel and Marian Meyers
Photos by Shandree Helewa, Kimberly Lostroscio (sdmusicmatters.com), Melanie Martinez, Nicola Wilson
All drawings by Adam Gimbel, age 7
Design by Eitan Altman & Adam Gimbel
Initial baseball card design by Dana Jones
Clip art courtesy Mike Carnivale of Pen 13
The phrase "Festival of Brake Lights" appears courtesy of Kimberly Feilin
Angela Correa sings lead last in "Happy Endings"
Duplication and printing by CDs Direct
Near Mint is a Blanco Niño release.
ADAM'S NEAR MINT TRACK BY TRACK COMMENTARY (written for SDMusicMatters.com review)
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