Rookie Card
Near Mints

Rookie Card's debut full-length, Near Mints, is a tremendous disappointment when compared to the bands previous EP First Day of Class. The band just sounds all out of whack. Perhaps the title is appropriate, since the CD emits the musical equivalent of bad breath-remaining near mints is a good idea!
The first song "Short Suite" just sucks and somehow lasts too long even though it's supposed to be "short and sweet,"-yeah we get the joke. Lead singer Adam Gimbel's voice recalls the more commercial moments of Rick Springfield's career trajectory or perhaps the low points of Toby Keith's earlier work. And these guys should really quit trying to pretend they're influenced by quality indie-rock and Americana because all they really sound like is Garth Brooks fronting the prom band featured in the film Just One of the Guys. Sure some of the songs make an attempt at rocking out, like, for instance "Constantly Waiting" and "Gimme Closure," but it all sounds like more of a Creed or Ugly Kid Joe rip-off than some good old garage rock revival a la Ashley Simpson or the recently unearthed Loverboy first album demos (which actually really rock.)
Then there's "The Sun Always Shines on Christmas," a true Hallmark Card moment of a shitty rock song. My God, what a load of schlock this is. Number one, this assumption is almost certainly false since half of Christmas is spent (like most other days of the year) in complete darkness. How would Santa deliver all the fucking presents with the reindeer and the sleigh if he didn’t have the benefit of the blackened night sky? Everyone would see him and you know some sick individual would pull a Lee Harvey Oswald on Rudolph. (Even though you arguably could in the dark because of the blinking red nose.) So no, "The Sun Does Not Always Shine on Christmas." There's the first song for the next album to quell the inevitable lawsuits. And who wants a sunny Christmas anyway? All I wanna do on Christmas is open presents, build a snowman, watch infomercials, and think about the items my relatives were too poor to be able to buy for me. None of these actions requires sunlight. (Unless I had a solar-powered TV. which is a frightening thought, you know a solar powered TV wouldn't support digital cable.)
It's not all bad though. "Jazzy Starship" is a holdover from the EP, (making this album seem like even more of a rip-off than it already is) which has a beautiful melody and lyrical content comparable to the more adult and mature ventures of Mandy Moore and Nick Carter. The version on the EP is still better though. "Escalator to Heaven" is an interesting idea, but a bad song. Come to think of it, I would rather take an elevator to heaven or maybe a hot air balloon. I've never ridden in a hot air balloon, and I doubt I ever will during my lifetime, so taking one to heaven would certainly be appropriate.
"2/29" is a song about leap years, and similar to leap years, it is a mountain of hype followed by an eternity of disappointment. Kinda sounds like Maroon 5 taking a stab at a Foreigner song, and then not being able to adequately perform the cover but still releasing it anyway. "After the Beep" is good because it's not really a song, just kind of a comic relief moment minus the comedy. "Repeat to Fade" is a song which will never end up on repeat play in my CD player. "Horseshoes and BBQ's" is a truly abysmal lyrical effort focusing on the joy of devouring barbequed horse meat. I'm sorry, but that's just disgusting. I consider myself very liberal and open-minded, but this just goes too far.
So, unfortunately, on Near Mints all Rookie Card really shows us is that they're still rookies.